About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
