sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
there is glitter all over my balls
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
