It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
