I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I pour the whiskey from now on
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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