just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
