i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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