she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
