If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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