I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
