You can't special order awesome
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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