Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
