Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hippo gnu deer
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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