How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
