He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
