Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
