cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
