I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
