btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
