I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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