last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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