Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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