i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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