Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
