Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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