She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
