new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
