this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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