Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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