we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
