i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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