I'm going to jail i love you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
