I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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