I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
