the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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