I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
