so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize