I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
