the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
