Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
