Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
