Those balls look pretty dangerous.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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