your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
