I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i came on her dog
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
