Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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