Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
