Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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