Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
