Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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