There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
