Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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