Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
