used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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