Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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