No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
