hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize