shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago