did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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