part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
