Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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