we made out on top of his cat.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
