u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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