what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize